Tonight I've noticed Coco is really down...meaning her pep is less than usual. I caught her in deep thought before I put her in the tub for her bath. I noticed she isn't playing with her toys. At that point I know something is wrong. I thought perhaps she was coming down with a virus or something of the sort. I ask her what is wrong and she just shakes her head no as if she doesn't want to talk about it.
I leave and work on Misch's hair...return to Coco who is ready to talk:
Coco: Mama. When is CC coming back?
Me: (heat hits my face.... I feel my chest getting red immediately)... Well honey, remember when JD was acting bad?
Coco: You mean when he shook you and I worried you would be dead?
Me: (tears at this point....so upsetting to realize what this little soul witnessed) I suppose so.....
Coco: And when he knocked down the door and he was bleeding on the walls?
Me: I suppose so......yes Coco. And that means CC can't be around us either.
A moment of silence goes by....
Coco: (after I rinse the conditioner out of her hair)... Well what about (enter JD's niece's name)? Me: (not believing that she even remembers her name...) Yes honey. We won't get to see her either.
Well as you can imagine....I'm sobbing at this point. She asks why I'm crying and gets out of the tub. She takes a brush and starts brushing my hair (care taking).... I burst out that I miss them all too.
I not only did this to myself...but my children. For what?
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